One Writer’s Fear

I’m asked a lot of questions by friends, fans, and prospective writers. There’s one question I’ve never been asked that I think needs to be addressed, though:

What was it like publishing that first book?

The first publication is a huge event. There’s an assumption that it’s this overwhelmingly exciting moment, and for many it is, but it was a tornado of emotions for me. You see, I put my heart on the line in all my books. I reveal aspects of my personality that I keep hidden.

Writing is incredibly personal. Books are also something many writers keep private during the manuscript editing and development phase. 

As the time came to announce that Book One: Intuition was available, I was petrified.

This was my baby. Sweat, fear, more hours than I can count, and my heart went into this construct that was now available to be enjoyed, scrutinized, and torn apart by the public.

Lucky for me, I have an experienced team by my side. I called my editor, in a tizzy. He chuckled before informing me that he was waiting for my meltdown.

Apparently, my “thousand conflicting emotions” reaction is very common among writers. That’s the thing about being an artist. Whether it’s dance, acting, painting, sculpting, writing, music. . .

Artists are vulnerable beings that bare our souls for the sake of our craft. The key is to put out work you believe in.

And that was my editor’s big question: “Do you believe in the work?”

I pondered hard, not wanting to rush the answer. My answer was felt soul-deep. I do believe in this work. In fact, I found that this is the first time in my life that I’ve had no doubt about an artistic endeavor’s validity. I did the best I could. I gave it everything I had.

Each book that’s done, and ready for my editing team, is exactly what I want it to be. That’s the promise I made to myself. Deadlines be damned. Additional funds be damned.

I will sacrifice time, money, and sanity, to make sure each book is right.

With that as my credo, I publish confidently knowing each book has been carefully crafted, hoping it will soothe the vulnerable girl in me that’s always a little unsure.